(Excerpt. Posted with Ari's permission.)
Follow up reading confirmed to me the necessary integrative framework currently being employed within this type of work. We are becoming increasingly aware of the integrative nature of cognition, emotional and feeling sensations and behaviours. The key mechanisms within the human condition allow us to assess and process information in our environments, formulate and navigate a direction towards safety, health, attachment and self preservation.
Interestingly enough we also rely on primitive processing to protect ourselves form danger, enemies and emotional hurt. After this training and follow up readings it has become even more clearer to me that at times we disconnect and disengage from our partners, we protect ourselves from being triggered into hurt, we are responsible for the gridlock and stand-off episodes in our relationships and ultimately as mature adults we have a responsibility. A responsibility towards investing in our relationships, a responsibility towards acting and behaving in a loving way towards our partner, a responsibility to diffuse negative interaction cycles and a responsibility to better understand our partner’s needs, wants, wishes, dreams and goals.
As cognitive, behavioural and emotional integrated individuals, we are open to a variety of expressions. We can create positive interaction cycles through our actions towards our partner, we can create positive interaction cycles through a greater empathic understanding of our partner, by acknowledging our negative thought patterns towards our partner and our relationships, and also by being more aware of our own distress, triggered hurts and position we protect when we are in this emotional vacuum.
A greater understanding of oneself could foster better regulation of one’s emotional reactivity and open themselves to better understanding the partner’s emotional needs. A better understanding of the partner’s emotional distress or triggered core hurts could assist in assisting in regulating your partner’s emotional distress. Positive behaviours and empathy lead to secure attachment. Acting lovingly reinforces and validates the partner’s emotional investment in the relationship and their individual needs.