Flora's reflection.

Love is Contagious

It takes one to tango

The “space” between couples, between the couple and the therapist and between each person in the therapy room is filled with many things. As a therapist I can be sucked into the negativity of the couple interaction and be caught up in a never ending cycle of trying to fix things, which can only exacerbate the cycle further. If I were to give myself the freedom/ knowing/mindfulness to stay in a loving/carin  humane stance, my interaction with the couple can be “loving”, nuturing. Could this create hope for them and for me so that together we can fill those spaces with “positives” . Reflecting on my practice, I notice that in that stance I am more likely to partner their journey. But just as love is contagious, negativity can also be contagious, which helped me to reflect on the language, intonation, punctuation.. I might use in the session. It sure takes one to tango – brought to my consciousness the value of mindfulness “moment to moment”.

We talked about the couples’ vulnerabilities tossed up in their relationship. What about our vulnerabilities tossed up in their relationship -  transference and counter transference issues. If the therapist managed their vulnerabilites, would the space between be filled with manageable differences so that friendship and dreams are given a chance to fill the space

I like the idea that what clients valued was not just improvement, but acceptance of the current situation and being able to view it from a distance. How much does the therapist have to model this in the session, so that we can all see it from a distance. Would the distance allow the spaces to be filled with positive interaction.

The notion that love is an activity allows us to visualize the TANGO. One really needs only one partner to lead well and one to follow, for the dance to flow. Despite one being a leader  and one a follower in the dance, there is a lot of energy, which allows the expression of difference as the partners move together, although their steps, if looked at  individually may be in the opposite directions! This could be the accepting of difference and that differences are irreconcilable.